Business Funding Made Simple.

Description

The right puzzle pieces are here, but it was left unfinished. They put the work in to add personalization to the back and should have done it on the front as well (or at least only the front to have a better chance of catching the attention). The bullet point format on the back would have worked if they wouldn't have overpacked it.

Read through each section below to see where Intuit Quickbooks went wrong.

***

This campaign missed the mark.


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Copywriting

This headline helps the reader understand why they are receiving this card, but fails to capture attention or drive action.

On the back side you will see the recipient's name, Jordan, used so we can assume Intuit Quickbooks identified him as a business owner (Scout's owner!). A better headline with this information would be:

"Jordan, need a no fee loan for your business (or {insert business name})?"

Design

The imagery is cool (who doesn't like coffee), but it's not very relevant to the recipient unless they own a cafe. You include imagery to either capture attention or strengthen your promotional message–in best cases you can do both. This really doesn't achieve that for a loan company.

Having the offer highlighted in a white ribbon was a good idea because it stands out, but it needs to be at least double that size.

Offer

Great offer. Why aren't they showing it off? Afraid it will hide the irrelevant coffee beans in the image?

Listen, the offer is the hook and bait. Don't be shy or elusive with it. Make sure people can see it and the rest will take care of itself.

Key Takeaways
  • You include imagery to either capture attention or strengthen your promotional message–in best cases you can do both.
  • The offer is the hook and bait. Don't be shy or elusive with it. Make sure people can see it and you will see your conversion rate increase.
Description

This side has everything we love to see: personalization, big QR code, bullet points, call to action that stands out. They should have stopped right there and sent the postcard. Instead, they added other items that make this design way overcrowded. Read below to see what they could have taken out.

Copywriting

"Why choose QuickBooks for business funding?" is wasted space. People will just skip to the bullet points anyway for short, informative content.

There's too many bullet points under "How it works". The know total cost of financing up front with no suprises and see your funding options without commitment could be left out.

Design

The imagery is cool (who doesn't like coffee), but it's not very relevant to the recipient unless they own a cafe. You include imagery to either capture attention or strengthen your promotional message–in best cases you can do both. This really doesn't achieve that for a loan company.

Having the offer highlighted in a white ribbon was a good idea because it stands out, but it needs to be at least double that size.

Offer

There really isn't any incentive in this offer. Why should Jordan act now?

Key Takeaways
  • You include imagery to either capture attention or strengthen your promotional message–in best cases you can do both.
  • The offer is the hook and bait. Don't be shy or elusive with it. Make sure people can see it and you will see your conversion rate increase.
Copywriting:
C+
Design:
C+
Offer:
B
Final Grade:
B-
Copywriting:
B-
Design:
C-
Offer:
B-
Final Grade:
B-
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